Bringing A Third Person Into The Bedroom
MANY couples who have been together for several years, whether married, going steady, or in common-law relationships, often find themselves at a juncture where their sex lives fall into a rut for reasons such as having children, being stressed, tensions in the relationship, or even not being attracted to their partner anymore.
Bringing a third party into the bedroom has emerged as a viable option for some, to bring back that missing ingredient, or to expand the realms of their intimate relationship. But for others it’s a venture best left in fantasies and adult movies. Across the Internet, there are numerous blogs and forums of men and women sharing their experiences with swinging and polyamory. A common thread runs through most of the postings — that couples need to be extremely cautious when they are making the decision to open a door into their relationship.
“My hubby and I recently brought a trusted female friend into our bed. She ended up getting VERY emotionally attached, and pregnant. Be careful,” one poster at Reddit.com wrote.
We asked couples whether this would be an option for them.
Donovon, 27, chef:
Yes, I would. Well, it all depends. But then again, I don’t even know, honestly, I’m not even sure. I will say I will do it and then don’t bother. The thing is, I see my intimate space with my woman at home as sacred. But at the same time, I can’t definitely say no. It’s tricky.
Kerri-Anne, 40, banker:
I’ve never thought of it. But I think it’s just part of sex. It’s just one of those things. If you’re into it and it happens, that’s OK — just like how with oral sex some people will never, ever do it, and for others it’s their thing. As for me, if my partner suggests it, I wouldn’t do it. I don’t have the drive to do it, but if he wants to go do it with somebody else, it’s up to him. I’m just not interested.
Will, 30, radio engineer:
I’ve never done it, but I want to. I think my girlfriend would do it. It’s something we have discussed, so I’m for it. It adds spice to the relationship, I believe. But the possibility of mixed emotions afterwards could be a problem. I fear I may like the other girl too much, or my girl may like her, so the relationship has to be secure.
Stephen, 24, university student:
No, I think it’s wrong. Those things can lead to a whole lot of problems on both sides, even when the two of you think you’re secure in your relationship. I’ve seen it happen to people. Furthermore, worse if it’s another man you bring in and that’s what your woman wants. Most men would want another woman, but suppose the woman wants a man? You think it’s easy for a man to watch a bredren or some other man deal wid him woman?
Aneice, 19, production assistant:
You only live once. I’m a young woman, so I don’t see why I must cold up myself as long as it’s safe and clean. I have one partner and we do whatever we are up for. Now and again I may feel a little jealous or wonder if he is up to anything behind my back, but so far so good.
Greg, 51, land surveyor:
Been there, done that. It brought a lot of flavour back into our relationship. We were always both what I guess would be considered freaky, so it wasn’t far-fetched when I suggested it, and it wasn’t a problem. Jealousy is childish. She knows I wouldn’t leave her for the world, so she knows whatever pleasure I had with the other person was just for the moment, and besides, she was there. My wife is almost 10 years younger than me, and I understand her needs, so from time to time I still allow her to be with other men. Sometimes even women. But I understand it’s not for everyone.